Thursday, November 1, 2007

Letting go of your bananas

Day 30. For the past days, I've gotten to know this person more than I have known some of my friends since we have met. From what we have talked about, I really do think he is a very interesting person.

Let's see:

1.) Family - seems to be a mama's boy, because he talks alot about his mom most of the time ( and how he wants me to meet her.) Close to his family and their business. Father is in local politics and farm. =P He loves his dog very much.

2.) Work - 100% workaholic. He stayed at his first work for more than 4 years. On call & was moved up(litterally). He has already showed me where he is working (it's a nice gesture to share that info.) Note: Clean desk. Has plans to have his own business.

3.) Romance - previous relationship didn't last long. Issues were related to his 'other social life'. Have had relations with older, younger and of same age girls. Almost all were his girl before the 1st month ends. Now looking for someone to take him seriously. Or someone he could seriously be with. But when asked where is his ex, he has no idea.

Physically, he's not bad looking. He's got the aura of confidence that goes with the skin head and goatie. Rocker look that doesn't know how to jam. =P

Maturity level, deep thinker. He talks like he's already known me (the serious side) for ages. Trust me like I was his family member.

Style: he definitely has one, believe me. =P

So why am I analyzing this person? I don't know.

Maybe because he's interesting.
Maybe because he's cool & fun to be with.
Maybe because he makes me laugh.
Maybe because he calls me right before I decide to quit on him.
Maybe because he's the first person who ever gave that appreciation that I've long to receive from someone.

Maybe because I'm starting to like him.. I'm scared as hell to step into that line.
Coz, I know my limits and I know my side.

I know how to protect myself, from all the pain.
I know that when you put your heart out, it's bound to be wounded in one way or another.
I've been there and I've done that.
Now, I hold on to what is left.

He's been too nice and kind. But I'm not sure if it's true and real, coz nobody has ever been that to me. I'm flattered and very overwhelmed. All my life, it's been the other way around. I longged to be noticed and be 'the girl' and not the 'friend'. But this doesn't give me a reason to fall for the first person who bumped into me and said I was pretty and special. I'm not that desperate, nor am I that pathetic.

It's just that I wished so hard for someone to love me more than I could love him. If he's the one, then I wouldn't want him to just pass by without even knowing what if.

I hope that we could be better friends. So that when time comes and we don't end up being more than that, I could be that someone who made a mark in his life. Maybe helped him be a better person while I learned from the experience.

So how do I let go? I don't.

I just slide on with that banana peel, hope and pray that if I slip away.. someone will catch my fall.

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